The holiday season is in full swing and with it comes times of celebration, giving, food, and quality time spent with the people you love.
Maybe you are attending gatherings, hosting them yourselves, or just hanging with your colleagues and coworkers. For many, this part of the year often brings up emotions and added stress over social situations.
One way to get through this is by setting strong and healthy boundaries. Maybe this looks like declining certain party invitations or deciding on a guest list that honors your true feelings.
The boundaries you decide to set will be unique to you and your situation. But regardless of what the holidays and boundaries look like to you, they are very important to plan and have in place.
So before you head to your Christmas and New Year’s events, we encourage you to take a moment to read through this article. We will be going over what boundaries are, the benefits of setting them, and five tips to help you set strong boundaries.
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What are boundaries?
The true definition of a boundary is something that separates one thing from another. We like to think of them as a wall or divider.
When applying this to your personal life, we have what are called personal and emotional boundaries. These involve drawing the line between what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Not having personal boundaries can look like:
- Saying yes to events you don’t want to go to
- Engaging in conversations that are uncomfortable or inappropriate
- Taking time to do tasks for others and losing the time to do things for yourself
- Spending time with people who you don’t enjoy being around
Boundaries are also thought of as the guidelines we set that determine how we want to be treated in a relationship.
Here are a few examples of personal and emotional boundaries:
- Deciding what personal information you want to share with others
- Choosing who you would like to spend your time around and who you would rather not
- Prioritizing your personal needs and health over the needs of others
- Being open about conversations you’d rather not have with others
These are just a couple of examples of what boundaries may look like. The important thing to know is that having boundaries can have many benefits for your mental health and overall quality of life.
What are the benefits of setting boundaries for the holidays?
When you take the time to set strong and healthy boundaries, you are setting yourself up for success this holiday season.
On the flip side, when you don’t have boundaries in place, people may take advantage of you and/or your feelings. This can lead to a feeling of overwhelm, stress, low self-confidence, and other poor mental health symptoms.
Remember that the holidays are supposed to be a time of gratitude and happiness. But if you aren’t honoring yourself and your feelings, you won’t be able to have the amazing time that you deserve.
There are many benefits to setting boundaries for the holidays:
- More time to focus on what you want to be doing
- Less stress over trying to please everyone else
- Increase in self-confidence and self-worth
- Improvement in your relationships with others
- Less overwhelming and upsetting feelings
Putting healthy boundaries in place will help you experience the best holiday season you possibly can. With that being said, what can you do next? Follow the five tips below on how to set strong boundaries before your next holiday event!
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5 Tips to Help You Set Strong Boundaries
1. Set Boundaries Ahead of Time
It is important to set your boundaries in advance. This could look like taking a moment to yourself to consider what your holidays have looked like in the past. What things tend to cause you to be overwhelmed? What usually stresses you out or drains your energy?
After reflecting on these questions, make a list of personal and emotional boundaries you’d like to set and follow before attending or hosting celebrations.
2. Plan Out Your Scripts
Some of us may have an easy time thinking of the boundary, but then a hard time putting it into action. It can be hard to know what to say to someone and how to say it in the moment.
Our best advice is to plan out a few scripts ahead of time. Doing this will help you feel less anxious when the time comes to express your boundary to others.
Maybe you don’t want to talk about your weight, food, or the latest food fad with the other members of your family. Think of a few things you could say when someone brings this topic up.
For example, “Thank you for coming to me about this subject, but I’d rather not talk about it at this time. Is there something else we can talk about?” Or “I would love to chat with you about other topics, but this one is a bit uncomfortable for me currently”.
3. Stay Consistent
A key component of setting strong boundaries is to stay consistent with them. You want them to be firm, yet flexible. While there will always be occasions and exceptions to your guidelines, you want to keep them in place a majority of the time.
When you become weak with your boundaries, people may start to take advantage of that. Stay strong and consistent, even though it may feel uncomfortable at first. Over time you will become a boundary-setting pro!
4. Be Intentional With Your Time
During holidays you may get an influx of invites to social events. So it can be easy to feel like you need to attend every single one!
But this isn’t the case. It’s okay to say no to the events you’d rather not go to or don’t have time for. You don’t need to feel obligated to go everywhere you are invited to.
Consider the gatherings that make you feel energized and vibrant after. Also, focus on the events with people who make you feel positive and confident. Prioritize these activities and say no to the invites that aren’t serving you. After 2+ years of being less social, we need to be very attentive to our energy levels and what feels manageable.
5. It’s Okay to Say No
I don’t know about you, but this one can be very tough for many of us. Another important aspect of setting boundaries is learning how to say no.
Is your mother-in-law trying to invite the cousins over to your house last minute? Does your sister want you to make three extra dishes this year for the holiday dinner?
You may be asked to go out of your way to do things for others. And while it is okay to say yes to this some of the time, it is also okay to say no! You can’t do everything for everyone, and if it is causing you stress, then don’t say yes to it.
Your time is precious and valuable, so spend it with intention. Life is too short to be constantly doing things that don’t make you happy or don’t feel important!
Setting Boundaries for the Holidays: The Takeaway
We hope this article helps to empower you to go into these next few weeks with strength and confidence. You deserve a holiday season full of people and events that fill your cup, rather than empty it.
If there is anything we can do to support you, don’t hesitate to reach out to us through our contact page. We look forward to hearing from you!
Bonus tip: your sleep is very important during the holidays. Getting enough sleep can help you manage stress, lower cortisol levels, and give you the energy you need. Check out our article on how to improve your sleep hygiene to learn more!